The worst Eurovision winner ever?

I had some guests over for the Eurovision Song Contest (ESC). We’re not hardcore fans and only one of us (not me) had watched the semi-finals. But I do like the ESC. I like how each song is based on a famous hit, or many, that you try to recognise during the song – and it’s driving you mad until you realise which one it is. Like for example with Ukraine’s Sweet People. It was a kind of catharsis when I realised it’s Eagles’ Hotel California all over again. Watch it and sing along: On a dark desert highway... Seriously, sing along now, as I did for my guests: Cold wind in my hair …

There were many violins on stage this year, a result of last year’s victory for Alexander Rybak (which I predicted already on 1 March, 2009: Alexander Rybak wins Eurovision 2009). But there were also some contestants that tried to make the same song. Ok, if you haven’t heard Rybak’s song Fairytale, winner of ESC 2009, here it is (I love it):

Rybak has copied a bit himself in the production: At 1:35 you will hear Gloria Gaynor’s I will survive. But back to ESC 2010. Albania built their whole song on Fairytale. Listen and sing along: Years ago, when I was younger …

Oh, look, even Armenia’s song, after a short Ruslana/Wild dances intro, begins like Fairytale! Years ago, when I was younger vs Many many years ago, when I was a little child … I could link, but it’s too bad. Instead, watch Azerbaijan, which loans a bit from both Lady Gaga and Rihanna in the chorus:

Even the moderator Peter Urban remarked that Denmark’s song was a Police rip-off, and we all sang along to Every step you take. But there’s also just the same sound of the guitar/electric piano as in Tina Turner’s Simply the best. Watch Denmark here:

We ended up in a club which was very German in the sense that one of the drinks on offer wasn’t called Orgasm nor Sex on the Beach, but simply: SPERMA. I just had to order that one:

– Sperma bitte.

– Bitte?

– Sperma.

– Jawohl.

The Sperma tasted really good. It was a mixture of sweet and salt and i wasn’t really able to pinpoint the ingredients. I brought my Sperma to the dancefloor and someone bumped into me so I got Sperma all over my hands. The Sperma was really sticky, so I went with my friend to the bathroom to wash my hands.

– Diese Sperma klebt wirklich, I said.

– Er hat das Getränk gemeint, my friend said.

But back to the ESC 2010. What a terrible song to win. Maybe the worst ever! And definitely the most unexpected. I forced my German friend to sing it once we had left my apartment – he couldn’t. None of us could remember the melody of it. The sound was modern though. This is Satellite:

The girl is pretty cute but her lack of star quality and feeling is in your face. Which might as well be the reason why she won – it’s been a trend a long time now to celebrate the mediocrity of the common man, think Youtube stars, talent shows, etc. By the way, Mika made the same song some years ago but with the fierce idea to add a melody to it:

The fact that I love Lollipop might very well be the reason why I hate Satellite.

Is that all for tonight? No it’s not! Cause first I have to reveal the winner in my own living room. There was only one contestant that we all gave the highest points to. And that was: Iceland!

Okay, we’re over 30. And we’re from northern Europe. Still, this is what ESC should be like. This is Shirley Clamp, Alexander Bard, Sash!, Kate Ryan, Fredrik Kempe … This is Eurovision!

Swedish media: DN, AB, Expr, Nyheter24. (SvD har ännu inte rapporterat om vinnaren men rapporterar däremot om “platsbrist för sexåringar” – är det junior-ESC som åsyftas månntro?) Såväl Andres Lokko som Jan Gradvall dissar festivalen som fenomen. Jag håller väl överlag med. Men varje anledning att fira är en bra anledning!